(Hmm, what kind of excuse can I start a blog post with this time? Let’s see, how about the time-honored “I’ve been busy?” Or the classic “I’ve been distracted by other events and creative projects?” Or perhaps the generally pathetic “I’ve been juggling too many things?” Yeah, all true, but why haven’t I blogged? Ummm...okay, I got nothin’. I will just have to remain parenthetically unrepentant and soldier on, as always.)

So yeah, it’s been awhile since I said anything here on Parentheticals. Re-entry from Burning Man took me most of September, and then there was a child starting middle school to get used to, Jewish High Holidays to celebrate, a “big number” birthday party for the husband to plan and execute, a house guest to hang out with, a Kickstarter campaign to create and market, a big Fly Your Freak Flag High event to prep and staff, Halloween to get ready for, and final edits to do on my book. This on top of all the “normal” life admin and parenting stuff that inevitably comes up. I’m exhausted just remembering it.

What I want to set down for the record though, is my experience earlier this month at the World Fantasy Convention in Toronto. It was not only awesome in a general way, it was also a major manifested moment in my “becoming an author” trajectory. Let me explain, by way of a brief detour through my recent history with going to science fiction and fantasy cons.

2007 was when I began to revive my writerly identity, and the marker of that was applying to and attending the week-long Viable Paradise (VP) workshop for speculative fiction writers. After re-acquainting myself there with how awesome that SFF writer tribe was, I finally started going to science fiction and fantasy cons again (I’d been to fan cons as a geeky teenager—but that’s a whole other subject). I attended as a fan, sure, but the big shift was that I was now also attending as an aspiring author. My first con was the World Science Fiction Convention (Worldcon) in Denver, CO, in 2008. I went with a bunch of friends I met at VP, and had a terrific time geeking out, meeting people, participating in a writer’s workshop, and generally owning my “rookie writer” self. I got to watch and support my friend and VP roomie Kim (who had just published a story in an anthology by Hadley Rille Books) as she did an author reading, signed books and attended her publisher’s party—in other words, as she acted like a Real Live Author. It looked really fun to be a Real Live Author, and I wanted to do it too. I just had to finish that novel...or something...

 In 2009 I got my chance to join Kim as a Hadley Rille author when she got me invited to submit to a project she was working on with Hadley Rille—a collection of fantasy stories relating to the Renaissance Faire. During a writer’s retreat that spring in Stinson Beach, CA, Kim and I both wrote our stories and sent them off to Hadley Rille. When mine was accepted and I got a copy of the Renaissance Festival Tales anthology to hold in my hand, I finally felt like I had something to show that I was becoming, however slowly and in however small a way, a Real Live Author.That year, I went to Worldcon again (in Montreal, Quebec), where we celebrated the launch of Kim’s first novel with Hadley Rille, and I got to practice being a Real Live Author (albeit in a small way) myself, by doing a reading, being on panels, signing books at the Hadley Rille table and having a meeting with “my publisher” where I got to pitch him my as-yet-still-unfinished novel. It felt great, but it also felt small, and I felt a bit despairing when I looked at how many other writerly things my friends and VP classmates had accomplished (novels finished; novels published; stories sold; contests won) in the time I’d known them. But I soldiered on, because at least I had *something*. Later in 2009 I went to the World Fantasy Convention for the first time, in San Jose, CA. I had a great time, and did a reading, and felt generally authorial because I had something to talk about and show off, even if it was little. Plus, I will always fondly remember that particular con because while I was there, on the last day of the con, I typed the words “THE END” on the first draft of my novel manuscript (approximately 6 years after I’d started it, in case anyone is keeping track at home).

During 2010 I oh-so-slowly revised that novel, but didn’t do much other writerly stuff. I didn’t go to Worldcon because it was overseas, and by the time I went to the next con, the World Fantasy Con in Columbus, OH at the end of 2010, I still wasn’t quite done with my revisions. I didn’t have much to show for my year—no new publications, no polished and finished novel draft, no new project started. I had a great time and met lots of new friends, but overall I felt kind of static and that felt kind of embarrassing, or at least unsatisfying. One thing it did do though was to give me a kick in the butt to finish up my revisions, so shortly after the con I sent the novel manuscript to Hadley Rille and then turned my attention to writing query letters and lackadaisically querying agents.

Not a whole lot more writing happened in 2011. I did outline and start a new novel, and got a few chapters into it, but was having a hard time pushing forward with it. I went to a new con, FOGcon (Friends Of Genre Con), in the Bay Area, and that helped push me a little bit, but I still had nothing really to market or new credentials to show off. I went to the Worldcon again, in Reno this time, and though I did a reading, and it was fun hanging out with friends and geeking out, I still felt static and like I was increasingly falling behind my friends as their books came out and they ran around promoting them. Then finally, right before the 2011 World Fantasy Convention in San Diego, CA, I got an email accepting my novel for publication with Hadley Rille. I went to WFC with my head high and a lot of excitement—I had something to say for myself, finally. It felt great to be congratulated by peers and teachers—though I still had no tangible thing to show, because the book was scheduled to publish at the beginning of 2013. After that con, I put aside the new novel, and started writing the sequel to Ice, since I knew there was a good chance I’d be able to publish it with Hadley Rille too if I could get it done in a reasonable amount of time.

In 2012 I went to FOGcon again, which was fun, of course, but I still had no new thing to talk about or show since the previous con. But then! Sometime in May or so, a hole opened up in the publisher’s schedule and the publication of my novel got moved up to November 2012 (which would hopefully be just in time to have advance copies ready for World Fantasy). If I could get all the edits done by July, it would work. So after what felt like endless rounds of editing and cover design and other logistics, everything got turned in and the waiting began. I missed Worldcon 2012 in Chicago because it collided with Burning Man (and probably always will, now), but once I got back I decided to try to run a Kickstarter campaign to fund the printing of a special advance run of 100 books to give away in the book bags at the 2012 World Fantasy Con in Toronto. That all worked out reasonably well (though it was a close thing and the ARCs wound up being printed from uncorrected proofs), and so finally, there I was at a con with an actual book in my hand that had my name on the cover.

So this finally brings me to my major manifesting moment that I foreshadowed way up there in the beginning of this blog post. At *this* World Fantasy Con, I finally felt like an actual professional author. The proof was right there: my book, my actual brick of printed paper with its own ISBN number and my name on the cover, the physical manifestation of years worth of dreams and work and anticipation, right there in other people’s hands. I got to read from it (twice!), give away copies, and autograph copies of it for both friends and strangers. I felt like I finally had caught up, now that I had something “real” to show. Not only did other people treat me as a Real Live Author now, but I was finally able to believe in myself that way. It was an incredibly potent mood elevator, let me tell you. Whenever I ran into someone who asked me “how’s it going?” or “how are you?”, I was able to truthfully and with no hesitation answer “excellent!” I had a terrific con overall. I hung out with old friends and made new ones, I talked to people about future projects, I floated through parties and other events with ease and enjoyment. I felt like I belonged.

Interestingly, the feeling of being a Real Live Professional Author has continued ever since I’ve been back. I came home determined (yet again) to increase my word production and therefore to make more regular, sacrosanct time for my writing in order to achieve that goal. Though I had a bit of re-entry burn right after I got home from Toronto, for the last couple of weeks I’ve been really jamming along on writing for hours every day, while taking time to do marketing/PR stuff as well. I think I’m beginning to get a sense of what the rhythm of life is like when one is a full-time writer, and I like it. (I can tell I like it because I’m getting to the point where I get irritable when I have to go do other things, even things I usually enjoy.) I’m eagerly looking forward to the next phase of launching a book, which is when the people who already have it actually read it and (hopefully) write me reviews, and I also get to keep introducing it to new people. I’m also looking forward to pushing through and finishing the sequel novel, sometime over the next six months or so (which sounds blisteringly fast after having spent so many years writing the first one, but I think I can do it if I can maintain my “I am a professional author” mantra). Now that I know how satisfying it really is to have achieved a large, long-term goal, I’m hooked. I’m ready to manifest the next one!