June 2007 Archives

Holy Moses how the time does fly these days. My energy and attention are still nearly stretched to capacity by the adjustment to the new job. Everything is going ok, and it improves week by week--but still, there just isn't the usual amount of brain space to do all the other things I'm used to doing (for myself, for others). It feels like the holiday overwhelm I've complained about before, except without all the logistics. Does that make sense? I'm not as exhausted as I was, but I do feel drained. On the other hand, it's also a good thing that I'm doing something which so totally fills up my attention during the day (and into the evenings)--at least I don't feel like I'm just wasting my time going through the motions somewhere. There are times (yesterday was one of them) where I feel so amazingly good about helping people make great leaps and changes in their lives, and there are times (today was one of them) where I find myself caught up in the busywork and feeling stuck and hopeless that I'll ever really be good at this (especially "good" in the sense of "making money at").

That being said, life still rockets on. I survived a week and a half of Josh being on business trips (thank God for my incredible and supportive mom, is what I have to say about that). I managed to squeeze some time in with friends. I finally went back to both Torah Study and yoga class, after extended absences. Eli's first year of kindergarten ended last Thursday (and I'd have to say it was a successful year). The next day we went with friends on our first camping trip of the season (to Hendy Woods SP), and even though I came down with a cold, no one came down with poison oak so I consider it an unbridled success. Really, despite the burdensome logistics of getting us all packed and out there to the woods at the end of a long workweek, my takeaway is that any life that includes campfires, giant redwood trees, wading in a river catching bullfrog tadpoles, and peanut butter s'mores is a good one.

Whew again. You know what's amazing? Over two weeks have zipped by and I still feel much the same way as I did in the previous entry. I'm still overwhelmed and exhausted and I am still trying to keep a good attitude. It's getting a bit easier now--I do have lunch buddies and I feel comfortable in my cube now, and I made my first big sale (which earned me a boss-granted reward of a parade through the office and a self-granted reward of a pedicure topped off with electric blue nail polish, whee!) But there's just so much to learn and practice still, and my head is so full! I come home all exhausted and haven't been doing much besides kid stuff and then maybe a quick round of chores or additional reading for the job and then falling into bed. I can't even bring myself to blog (let alone write, or process pictures, or email friends, or read, or any of the usual evening activities I enjoy). Weekends have been hectic too trying to pack the usual crazy amount of socializing (not to mention other life admin) in. Whoo! I know this will ease up soon and eventually things will be more familiar and thus not require so much mental energy from me, but at the moment, I'm barely able to keep it together.

I'm still really glad that I've made the leap and am challenging myself with something different though. I feel like my outlook on life and therefore my life itself has already totally changed (and is going to change even more) and I'm excited about it. It's not just the fact of having a new job--it's that this particular job is feeling more and more like a place I've been meant to find for a long time. A big part of what I do every day is to talk to people about what their financial dreams and goals are, and how what our company does can help them achieve those dreams and goals. It's making me (and Josh!) resuscitate our own dormant dreams and goals, and getting us all excited about the possibility of changing our lives in really big ways. But all this excitement is also quite a bit draining--so I'm still mostly occupied with trying to find my balance before I can move ahead. To go back to that Fool tarot card metaphor for a moment, it's like I've just blithely stepped off the cliff only to find myself on a tightrope leading…somewhere (this high up, the destination is still obscured by fluffy clouds). And I'm needing to stop for a few moments and concentrate on balancing before I move ahead. But move ahead I will, and I'm eager to find out where it is I'm heading.