Of Stucknitude and Hope

Today I am hopeful. The stuck place that I've been lately (creatively, emotionally, logistically) is showing signs of just maybe possibly easing. It's not that I've been afraid of the stuck place (after years of practice, I have at least learned how to cope with the fear of stopping and stillness). No, by now I know that being stuck (or having to lie fallow, as we talk about in my writer's group) is a natural, normal part of life and has many valuable lessons to teach those who can be patient and pay attention without judgement. But still--it's uncomfortable. I try to keep the faith, to be patient and keep repeating my mantra of "this too shall pass";, but I don't deal especially well with uncertainty over the long term. Self-doubt and anxiety start nibbling away at the edges of my "om"; and sleep deprivation puts me right over the edge into self-induced PMS (regardless of the time of month).

But that's not my point! My point here is that I thiiiiiiiiink that maybe the end of this particular stuck period is in sight. If nothing else, the hopefulness itself seems to be a trail marker towards optimism rather than gloom, so I feel like I'm heading in the right direction now. Things seem to be shifting, at least a little bit. Here's a few random examples: I finally posted the huge backlog of digipix that have been sitting around on my computer to our family photos page; I started a mixed CD (with the tentative title "Soothing Songs for a Mid-Life Crisis"); and perhaps most exciting: today I bought myself a blank canvas. I haven't painted in approximately 2 years or so (no, I don't count frosting a SpongeBob cake, though there were some similarities. And now that I mention it, I finally did post the pictures if you'd like to see my masterpiece *cough* Lara *cough*), but for some reason I've recently recovered the itch to start again. So last weekend we cleaned up the garage (it had been disassembled for our Black Turkey holiday party and never put back together again) and I put my easel and paint supplies back in their proper accessible places, and today, I bought a canvas. I'm almost there!

Now admittedly, some of these small green shoots of creativity and hopefulness are no doubt being brought on by the near-total writer's block I've been experiencing the last month or so, but that's ok. I don't mind trying to coax the Muse back with other shiny bits (or bread and circuses). The blogging is a start, even if I can't quite get "snappy" again yet. And maybe these little shoots will spread to some of the other stuck places as well. We shall see. I'm trying to stay with the hopeful here.