A Shout Out to the Mamas in My Life

In honor of Mother's Day, I wanted to do a brief shout out to some of the mamas who have been (and who continue to be) influential, inspirational and just plain in my life. This is not to deny my many wonderful auntie and auntie-like friends and family members--they too are completely rockin' (and hopefully you know who you are) and deserve much kudos. But this particular entry is about mamas in all their glory.

First off, and with definite pride of place: my mom. How can I even begin to express what a huge effect she has had on my own mothering (let alone the rest of my self and life)? I am one of those lucky, lucky gals who not only looks back fondly at my own childhood, but has maintained a truly nourishing and warm relationship with the woman who raised me. (My mom is, without a doubt, my best friend--that alone should tell you how great she is.) I think my mom did a superb job of raising me and my brother (and yes, she was a working mama), and she continues to give selflessly and often of her time, attention, approval, support and love to both her children and now her grandchildren. How can you not love that? My mom taught me some of the most important life lessons and parenting lessons I know (and use): To Thine Own Self Be True. Be Excellent To Each Other. Gauge Your Audience. This Too Shall Pass. Be Gentle With Yourself. Help When You Can. Pay Attention To Detail. You Catch More Flies With Honey Than You Do With Vinegar. Listen. The Glass Is Half Full. Art Matters. Hug and Kiss (and Pinch) Your Children As Often As Possible. And so many more...

And now for just a smattering of other mamas who have taught, shown, befriended, amused, and impressed me, women without whom I would be a far, far more emotionally impoverished individual:

-Anji, my best friend from college, was the first one of my friends to become a mama, and the first to become a mom of two (two boys, no less). I was honored to be present for the birth of her first son, and I will never forget that experience. So the first thing I learned from her was not to be afraid of birth, and that the first appearance of the baby was a truly magical experience and worth all the pain and suffering that might precede it. I also have always admired her no-nonsense, firm but loving mothering style--she is strict with her boys, but they know she loves them, and they've both turned out beautifully. And she's always been a good working mama role-model too--she pulls it all off and makes it look easy.

-Lara, first my coworker and then my friend, was my mama-mentor when I was pregnant with Eli, and continues to inspire and instruct me in ways both big and small. Another working mama, she has a fun and fierce mothering style that is a fabulous blend of pragmatic, irreverent, intelligent, and above all, loving. I aspire to nothing less. From her I learned that the big parenting transitions we dread (solid foods, potty training, going to daycare/school, etc) often turn out to be a lot less dreadful (and sometimes even relatively easy) when we finally get to them, so it does no good to make yourself all anxious about them ahead of time. She and I also talk all the time about "pragmatic parenting"--the philosophy of just doing what seems best to you at the time and not worrying about whether it's politically (or parentally) correct or not. If it works for your child and your family, it works. And may I just say that her son, Max, in addition to being incredibly cute and well-socialized, has great taste in clothes (since we get all his hand-me-downs, I'm required to say this).

-Michelle was another friend from long ago who had a child (in fact, two children) before I did, and from her I learned how to listen closely to my children in order to understand what they really need and want, and that it was equally important to put their needs first and to give myself a break. She does stay-at-home mamahood with a grace and style that totally inspires me, but isn't afraid to bitch about how hard it is from time to time.

-Galila is a friend of nearly 20 years now, and although we were somewhat out of touch when we both had our first children, now we both have two and can relate more than ever. Her style of mothering is thoughtful and conscious, incredibly present, respectful, and supportive of her children, yet with that same sly pinch of humor and pragmatism that all my mama-friends seem to have. She too does stay-at-home mamahood with what seems from the outside to be a zen sort of grace, which I truly admire. And her kids are pretty damn wonderful little beings, so she's clearly doing mamahood right.

-Jen was my pregnancy buddy, and our first children were born only a month apart. We bonded over our big, blossoming (and bloated) bodies, and then over our beautiful newborns, breastfeeding, and the transition to motherhood. I will never forget our visits to each other's houses where we would put the babies down on blankets together (or later, let them crawl and then toddle around together) and have hours of deep, philosophical (albeit constantly interrupted) conversations about the nature of motherhood and life. She taught me (or maybe we learned together) that we could go out and about with our babies--I'll always remember sitting in a car together breastfeeding after a big field trip to Target. She also taught me that sometimes you need to just try things out in your parenting--if what you try doesn't work, try something else. And she has always been an inspiration to me when it comes to natural childbirth and all kinds of "alternative" health issues. Now that we have our second children, who are only 6 months apart, we have been spending even more time mothering in each others' company, which I love. Our kids love each other, our husbands love each other, and we love each other. What could be better?

-Linda is one of the mamas I met in my mom's support group that I joined when Eli was a baby and I was going crazy trying to figure out what to do with this new and fragile little being I'd created and was now completely responsible for. She has got to be one of the most loving, open, loyal, helpful people (and mamas) I know. She would seriously give her family (and her friends) anything, if she could. She is full of good ideas and advice about anything under the sun, and such a good friend to just talk talk talk with, about parenting, about life, about anything. I have always admired how she gives her son what seem like to me to be elaborate, multi-item meals (we can barely manage two things on a plate for dinner: macaroni, and cheese), and how she set up a beautifully laid out play area with everything labeled and sorted. Maybe someday I'll get there. Maybe.

-Michelene is another mama I met in the mom's support group, at the same time as Linda, and shares many of the same characteristics as Linda--great fun to gab with, thoughtful, considerate, giving and funny. She is now a single working mama, and wow, do I respect that. Her approach to mothering her son is so empowering--I'll never forget one time we were over there and hearing her tell her son (who had been banging on the bathroom mirror with a toy) that she didn't want him to continue with his behavior, and that she knew he'd be able to make a good choice in this situation. I've used that trick myself many times.

-Rebecca is one-third of my writer's group, and even though I haven't had much actual face-time with her kids, I feel like I know them and know her mothering style just from having read her blog for the past year. Like pretty much all the moms in this list, she combines a conscious, thoughtful, respectful, and deeply loving mothering style with a good size helpin' of humor and sass. I like that in a mama. She too is a working mama, and has taught me that being a martyr and an overachiever, while sometimes necessary (and helpful for providing the fodder for a good story), is not an end in itself. There is more to a working mama than working and taking care of her family. And damn, her kids are a crackup, and wonderful human beings in progress.

I think this list could probably keep going on and on, but if I don't post this soon, I'll have to wind up ignoring my own children in order to finish it. And what kind of mama would that make me, neglecting my own children for the sake of my writing? Hmm.

Happy Mother's Day to all!