March 2005 Archives

Oh how the mighty daily blogger has fallen. It's just too hard to do a blog entry with one hand, which is usually all I have these days (the other being occupied with nursing 90% of the time, that is when both hands aren't busy holding the baby. And I've been holding him a *lot* lately...go figure.). And on those rare occasions when I *do* have two hands free, I tend to do things like, oh, sleep. Or sometimes process pictures. Or play with Eli. Or even take a shower. Right now, for example, I am experimenting with draping little hiccupy Isaac over my shoulder and across my chest while I type on the laptop. He keeps slipping down and his feet occasionally hit the trackpad, which makes for some random typos (which I've been erasing so you don't get to see them), but it's kinda working for now. Kinda. The real problem is in also needing to have one hand constantly patting him on the back, since he's gassy and unhappy and patting seems to help (even if it doesn't bring up the desired burp). And I know that this is not exactly ergonomically good for me. Ah well. Just one of many parental sacrifices I make/made/will make in my ongoing quest for the gold in the suck-it-up Olympics.

Anyway, let's see, I have had all these things swirling around in my head that I wanted to blog about, so I think I'll go for a smorgasblog kind of entry here.

One thing I *have* been accomplishing (since it's one of the only activities that works well with the 1-handed handicap) is reading. I'm working my way through my nightstand pile at a satisfying clip. Reading is pretty much the perfect nursing activity, because a book is something you can pick up and put down (unlike watching TV or movies, which sort of need you to sit all the way through them at once, or at least not take too many breaks). Here's what I've read so far (and this list doesn't include the zillion blogs I surf every day too):
-Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year (I first read this back when Eli was born and was totally inspired by it. I got given a copy at my baby shower so I read it again, and am still inspired. I heart Anne Lamott)
-The Birth of Venus (good read, well written, very interesting historical setting)
-The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time (quick read, fascinating main character with very original viewpoint)
-The Confessions of Max Tivoli (beautifully written, a really great read)
-Grapes of Wrath (yeah, there's a reason that this is a classic of American literature...gorgeously written, heartwrenching story, fascinating historical setting--what a tremendously great book!)
-Angels and Demons (even trashier than Da Vinci Code, IMHO--poorly written, cliched, but with a reasonably interesting and fast moving plot)
-Tales From Fish Camp (a teeny little book written by Danielle Henderson, a friend of Adrienne's, who also has a great blog you should check out. Wonderfully written, great "voice", interesting stories about a totally alien world, but alas, all too short. The kind of book where you are so disappointed when it ends--"that's IT?"--that it makes you want to hassle the author to write some more.)

Right now I'm reading Leap of Faith (Queen Noor of Jordan's memoir), but it's relatively slow going. Memoir is usually not my favorite genre, but this one does promise to teach me lots about both a culture and a set of historical figures and events I know nearly nothing about. And of course I always love reading about strong impactful women and their lives. We'll see if I actually finish it...I have a ton more books stacked up to read that are also calling to me. (I try to read books I've borrowed from others first, so that it doesn't take me a year to get books back to people, and I've had this one on loan forever.)

Time continues to stretch out and contract in weird ways. Isaac is still nursing an average of every 1.5 to two hours, although last night for some reason he went a little more than 4 hours without needing to nurse, and I finally got to sleep for more than two hours at a time. When Josh came in to wake me up, I noticed that I hadn't moved at all since I'd fallen asleep--so I was stiff but at least a little better rested than usual. Amazing what a difference having consecutive hours of sleep makes (right, Rebecca?). I have been seeing a lot of lovely sunrises (my favorite is looking at the vivid green hills in back of our house through a screen of the budding elm tree in our back yard, as they slowly come into full technicolor brightness with the ascending sunlight), but I've also spent a lot of slow, draggy middle-of-the-night hours feeling cramped and claustrophobic, trapped in the house, hunkered down with the baby, unable to move around physically or mentally, waiting, just waiting for the next thing to happen or to do.

In other news, Oreo the boo boo kitty went back for her 2nd check up and the the thyroid pills we're giving her appear to be working. (Whew.) So now we have to make the decision whether or not we want to keep giving her pills two times a day, or whether we want to spring for the insanely expensive kitty chemo. Stay tuned.

Eli continues to be super sweet and cute with Isaac. He wants to hold him and kiss him and tells him he loves him all the time. He'll even sing little lullabyes to Isaac when Isaac fusses, and seems very concerned when Isaac is crying. I'm grateful for this, especially since Eli's been coppin' a 'tude and being bratty a lot more lately. (Related to his brother or just a normal 4 year old stage? Hard to say. Like most kid related things, it will only be clear in hindsight. Meanwhile we muddle on.)

Ok on that note, time for today's cute kid pix:

^ Isaac in his froggy outfit again, but this time it fits better. They grow so fast...! (And I guess the nursing is working...cos he's really growing!)

^ Eli in his new Batman costume. It's allllll about the dressup, these days.

Whew, today was a busy busy day with events stacked up one after the other, just like old times (you know, the ones pre-baby, wayyyyyy back then). First, we took Eli (and Isaac) to an Easter egg hunt this morning at our local community center. (I just love that old fashioned community feel that I get from events like this, especially the ones geared towards families. This one was run by the local Lion's Club, along with our local firefighters--the Easter Bunny arrived on a firetruck.) My favorite vignette of the day: watching a genial, white-haired Lion's Club man, resplendent in his official bright yellow club vest, nonchalantly strolling along the top of the lawn, furtively tossing extra chocolate eggs at kids who seemed to need a few more, until he began to gather swarms of kids following him around, for all the world like ducks lusting after breadcrumbs.

Isaac slept for most of the event (thank goodness) and Eli had a blast running around the lawn with a hundred other kids looking for chocolate eggs, meeting the Easter Bunny, and then playing in the park afterwards. We had a hard time getting him to leave. Isaac did wake up towards the end of our park time and was fussy and hungry, but I'd anticipated that this might happen and had brought my boppy and was able to just sit at a picnic table and nurse him while Josh and Eli visited the creek and Eli climbed a nearby tree. (The old nursing-in-public skills came back pretty easily...go, breastfeeding mama, go!) He went right back to sleep afterwards, too, and stayed asleep for awhile after we got home.

Once we got home, we wound up launching into some long-overdue toy purging and re-organization in Eli's room and in our living room. I have no idea what brought this project on so suddenly but both Josh and I were Virgo-ing out in a big way, and it was kind of fun. Even Eli helped for awhile.

Then around 3ish, the Asburys came by and whisked Eli off to the Discovery Museum for a couple of hours (ahhhh the blessed silence after he left). Josh and I finished the toy purge and took a break, and then the Armentas came over to meet Isaac and have dinner with us (they bought us takeout Chinese food, rawk!). Eli and Iris ran around like crazy wild children in the backyard (picking and scattering camellia blossoms in some elaborate game of "wedding"--I kid you not) while the adults and babies hung out in the living room and ate Chinese food. It was a great visit but now that they're gone and the overstimulated older kid's in bed, I am finding myself damn tired and more than ready to crash for a while. I'm waiting to nurse the wee man one more time and then I'll hopefully get an hour or two of sleep in.

Today's cute pix:

^ Adorable sibling shot of big and little brothers (this one's for Lara S., who gave Eli the "big brother" shirt).

^ Mmmmm, caramel eggs...

^ Eli meets the Easter Bunny.

Woah. Once again time slides by, a sly wriggling earthworm who doesn't seem like he should be able to move that fast but when I look away and then look back, is suddenly in a whole new place. How did it get to be Friday already?

Let's see, highlights of the last few days include:

-Isaac continues to eat, sleep, poop, and occasionally, open his eyes in order to look around and charm us into fulfilling his every desire (luckily his desires are still pretty simple or we'd be in trouble). He is even starting to hold his head up, which we take as a clear sign of his developmental superiority. His skin is peeling like crazy all over and he looks like he's spent way too much time in the sun (when actually it's more that he's spent way too much time in amniotic fluid and now that he's outside, he's all dried out.) On Wednesday, he had his first bath (sponge bath, but still). Picture below.

-Bert came by on Wednesday evening and made us dinner (shepherd's pie, a new and improved version on his classic) and kept us company and did the dishes and played with Eli and was generally the considerate, wonderful friend. He even brought me some bath goodies and some gripewater for the baby and gave me a wonderful back rub. Whatta guy. I was really tired and not up to much witty banter (or cribbage, sadly) but it was lovely to spend time with him.

-After mystifying my doctors with my symptoms, yesterday I discovered that I have a uterine infection, for which I will be taking alarmingly pink pills 4x a day for the next 10 days. Ah, the hubris of me saying "yeah my recovery has been remarkably easy this time around!" I should know better than to taunt the universe in that manner. It always leads to NADM.

-I have ankles again! I'm finally losing the edema I've lived with for the last 3 or 4 months. I can't express how much this pleases me. And on a related note, I can almost fit back into some of my normal clothes. Now, if I could only stop stuffing my face with cookies and Easter candy and all kinds of delicious fatty take out food, I might even be able to wear my jeans one of these days. Those last 15 lbs are always the hardest....

-Yesterday I finally got Isaac's basic website up and running, complete with birth story (in all its minute detail) and pictures from the birth and Isaac's first week. Go take a look. (There is also now a link to Isaac's page at the bottom of my links section.) Josh did the design, I finished up the content and the coding and set up the picture gallery (though I have yet to finish adding captions to the "week 1" photos). I am proud of myself for finally figuring out how to use yet another picture processing program: Gallery--the same one Dri uses. I'm liking it lots so far, and the learning curve hasn't been too bad. (So much for iPhoto.)

So today's cute pix are posted below, but remember to start checking the photo gallery for even yet more pix. (My goal is to update weekly at first and then monthly...we'll see how that goes.)

^ Isaac's first bath. He's not so into it.

^ But once it's over, he's happy.

^ Clean, cute and alert, hanging out on the couch with Daddy.

^ Hanging out on Mama's shoulder. Which one looks more awake, baby or Mama? Hard to say.

I never quite got around to blogging yesterday (though I did think about it a lot, does that count?). Sleep won out every time. Those 1 hour chunks of sleep are becoming oh so precious to me, and frankly, priorities are different now. I could cheat like Josh and backdate just to have the little daily number turn purple, but I've decided I'm beyond that compulsion now. (Besides, I have a totally valid excuse and no one has dared *me* to post daily, let alone offered to buy *me* sushi if I post daily for a year.)

Anyway. Today we took Isaac in to the doctor for his one-week-old "well baby" checkup. He continues to be perfect in every way, and Mr. "I'm a Boob Man" Nursing Champion has gained even yet more weight already (he's right about 9 lbs now, up from 8 lbs 6 oz when he was born). Eli also went with us to the doctor, since he needed a couple vaccinations. We shamelessly bribed Eli with promises of a present after the shots, and he took them like a big boy without crying or freaking out. The present was a Harry Potter dressup costume that I found at the Kid Stuff sale the other day (see below for hilarious picture). He is so funny these days with his dressup obsession--of course, why would I be surprised that our kid likes to dress up and act things out? I mean, it's not like his parents met at the Ren Faire or anything...

Ok, no more tonight, even though I feel like there's more I could say. I'm going to try to grab a nap, because that's my main goal in life these days. Wild and crazy, I know.

Here's today's picture choices:

^Isaac spending some time in his crib, just for fun (he doesn't sleep there yet).

^Eli dressed up as Harry Potter.

Long day. Energy low. More family visits, from the Archer side this time, and still not enough naptime. Otherwise, a fairly similar day to yesterday (nurse, nap, visit, repeat). Time is doing its funny slow stretch and cyclical swing thing. I'm really tired...just sitting here waiting for the baby to wake up so I can nurse him and go take a nap. On the bright side, Monica, Rob and Leila visited us today and brought us cookies (mmmm peanut butter chocolate chip). I mean, *anyone* can bring us dinner (and I am of course wildly grateful to those who do) but homemade cookies...now *that's* a treat!

Ok, time for today's cute pix:

^ Isaac in the swing...yes, his eyes do open (and this time I had a camera nearby).

^ The Archer boys. I love the expression on Eli's face as he looks at his brother. (And yes, that's a pacifier in Isaac's mouth...we got desperate and tried one during the so-called "arsenic hour" of fussiness today, and it seemed to work for a few minutes.)

Thunderstorms. Family visits. Lots and lots and LOTS of nursing. Not enough naps. A day both dramatic and exhausting, yet mundane.

Today's excessively adorable photo selection (I've discovered that photos are infinitely easier to post 1-handed while nursing than prose):

^ Who can resist the lure of a silly hat on a cute baby?

^ The noble Archer brow, in profile. This is the shot they'd use for the commemorative coin.

^ Isaac meets his big cousin Jonah for the first time.

^ Isaac snoozin' with Uncle Dave.

^Eli & his cousin Zinnia drawing on the windows.

^Big cousin Jonah reading Captain Hook--er, Eli--a story before bedtime (Harry Potter, natch).

More family visits (from the other side) tomorrow. Aren't weekends supposed to be days off? Don't answer that. I know I do it to myself.

Ok, I know I'll be the mama milk machine for the next year or so, but I've sort of conveniently forgotten just how all-encompassing the "I am cow" experience is this first few weeks (and months). I've pretty much spent all last night and most of today either nursing or napping (just like Isaac!), but the funny thing is, I haven't really minded, even though I don't think I've slept more than 2 continuous hours since sometime yesterday afternoon. Isaac is now totally on the chow-wagon and wants to eat every hour to two hours (oy). Last night was the first night I spent time nursing him in his room (as opposed to on the couch), and oddly enough I'm in a great mood, despite the totally broken sleep (I never got more than about 45 minutes to an hour at a time). I really was enjoying just being up in the quiet dark room with him, adoring his sweet baby face (which is starting to become less puffy and more defined already), the way his little hand always wants to be near his cheek when he's nursing, his soft, soft hair (I am starting to suspect he might turn out a strawberry blonde--which is very exciting to me because I've always wanted a red-head in the family), and his little breathy exhalations. While I was nursing, I re-read Anne Lamont's terrific book "Operating Instructions" that I got given a copy of at my shower, and with that and the baby-adoring, the hours just kind of blissfully slipped by, instead of crawling oppressively.

It's been quiet and rainy today but in a nice cozy way, not in a depressing way. Despite the overall cow-comparisons, I'm really glad that the nursing is going so well--my boobs are bursting with milk, and Isaac is a pro nurser already, so it's really not that hard or even as time consuming as it used to be with Eli, thank God. And Isaac is clearly getting what he needs, so that makes me really happy. I'm amazed afresh at how much easier this all is going the second time around (so far), and grateful. My attitude is still really good--no baby blues yet--and I hope it stays that way as the sleep deprivation gets more intense.

And now, your daily cute picture (imagine it all nicely cropped and everything, I'm not going to bother):

^ Isaac doing his sleeping-baby-Jesus routine on the couch between feedings.

So now that I'm a mama for the second time, I have discovered the great secret that I guess no one could really tell me before (and yes, I'm probably risking some kind of ritual hexing if I tell but I will anyway): it's easier. I mean, it's still no proverbial picnic in the park, mind you, but I'm already quite pleasantly surprised by how many things have already been easier the second time around, starting with the birth itself (shorter, more empowered, less bodily trauma afterwards) but also the breastfeeding, the newborn care, and the sleep deprivation (so far). Josh wrote a good post about the way in which things just seem less freaky now, and more enjoyable, and how this time around it's easier to have perspective (and, I'd add, a good attitude) on whatever situation arises.

Anyway, I know it's too early to really be able to tell what life with Isaac is going to be like (or what Isaac himself is going to be like) but overall I feel a heartening sense of optimism that things won't be too hard to deal with, and that we're hitting our parental stride. Go us!

And now I leave you with a cute picture (cos I still haven't had the time or the space to actually post a whole page of pix):

^Eli reaaaaaally wanted to hold "his baby". He is just so sweet to his brother so far!

Home again, and everything is different now. After approximately 9 hours of increasingly painful (and unmedicated) labor, during which yours truly not only pretty much won the lifetime achievement gold medal in the suck-it-up olympics and was a frikking rockstar to boot, Isaac Theoden Archer is finally here. He's gorgeous and perfect and everything is going swimmingly so far. (Well, as swimmingly as this whole process can go, anyway.) The birth story is not quite finished being written in all its excruciating detail, but hopefully I will post that and a few more pix tomorrow. The next few weeks are all about being a milk cow and sleeping, so probably not much blogging. But we shall see. The urge still remains.

Here are a few fun pix, then I'm going to try to go take the first of my mini-naps that will be all I get for sleep in the next few weeks.

^ Eli meets his baby brother for the first time, and it's sweet as pie.

^Daddy and baby. Awwww.

^The laughing king himself, all dressed up and ready to leave the hospital, earlier today.

3am. Water broke while I was asleep in bed at around 11:30; been hanging out doing that crazy contraction action ever since. Still early stages now (blogging between contractions...I am some kind of GEEEEEEEK) but definitely in the labor zone now.

See, all it took was a dare and another castor oil threat and Isaac came right to heel. Ha. Fear my dares!

Catch you all on the baby side. :)

Are we THERE yet? Apparently not. More contractions today but no progress. Grrr...argh. I really do think I'm going to try that castor oil tomorrow, unless something changes (come on Isaac, I DARE you! Get out already!).

It was, however, a wonderfully pleasant and distracting day. The three of us went to Chuck E. Cheese up in Rohnert Park in the morning for Iris' birthday party, and it was nowhere near as bad as you might think, considering that it was a huge room filled with kids, video and arcade games, play equipment, and bizarre larger-than-life animatronic characters singing covers of bad '70s and '80s songs with the words changed. Eli, of course, had a blast.

After a couple of hours of Chuck E. Cheese insanity, we hit the road back to home, whereupon Eli, all tuckered out from the previously mentioned insanity, fell promptly asleep. So since it was still gorgeous outside, and we had nothing better to do, Josh and I decided to take a detour through the unbearably scenic, Spring-luscious hills of Petaluma and West Marin. I wish I had Suzanne's way with descriptions and could really do justice to how lovely, how soul-enriching, how just over-the-goddamn-top beautiful it was out there today. But mostly all I have to fall back on right now are cliches: puffy clouds moving through clear blue sky; placid black and white cows dotting rounded valley hills lush with new and prolific bright emerald grass, reminding me of Scotland; fantastically gnarled and gothy dark oak trees tricked out in green-mossed bark, their tiny light green leaves bursting out at the ends of every branch into a fancy new hairdo, like old ladies with bright unlikely dye jobs on their fresh permanents; fields, whole fields of wildflowers blooming white, purple and yellow amongst the new green grass; the sparkling blue silver of the resevoir in the mellow afternoon sunlight. And the warmth of the air; and the smell of it...fresh and alive and delicious in that soft Spring way. Ooooo! I loved it.

We stopped for lunch in Pt. Reyes Station at the Cowgirl Creamery--oh god, the cheese, the cheese! It's the best place in the world if you're a cheese lover. We got 5 different kinds of artisanal cheeses, including the incomparable Red Hawk, made on the premises, and crackers, and smoked salmon, and Scharffenberger chocolate. So decadent. So outstanding. (Eli, in case you were wondering, had half a bag of potato chips and a bite or two of smoked salmon for his lunch, but not for lack of coaxing.) I also had a lovely time chatting with the nice Jewish man working at the cheese counter (who had just had a baby boy, also named Elijah, at the same hospital and with the same doctors that delivered Eli and will deliver Isaac) while we tested cheeses, and with all the rest of the folks who ebbed and flowed out of that place. (Of course it helped that Eli was once again dressed in his full Captain Hook costume, which really makes people want to chat with us.)

After our delightful and decadent lunch, we wrapped up our extra cheese and drove back home (through more exquisite scenery), and got home around 4:30pm or so. After a bit of downtime, we headed back out to Max's for dinner with Mom and Dad, which was surprisingly tasty and mellow as well (despite some intense bargaining sessions with Eli to get him to eat a couple of carrots). Then home again, kid to bed, some good phone time with my friend Galila (she who always manages to put things in perspective for me), and boom, here it is bedtime.

So. Good night's rest. Good breakfast. These are my short-term goals. Then we shall see.

Well, sports fans, hold on to your seats, things might--or might not--be getting interesting. I haven't tried the castor oil yet, because as of this morning, I woke up with the occasional mild contraction. These seemed different (more achy and specifically located in the lower uterine area) than the usual Braxton-Hicks kind I'd been getting, and at least for awhile, were more regular (approx 8-10 minutes apart). But...just like last time, it's been a good 12 hours or so and the contractions seem to be coming and going, sometimes stronger and regular, and sometimes weaker and erratically. I am torn between feeling glad that the show seems to have gotten at least somewhat on the road, but also frustrated because in my "labor fantasy" for this time, I had convinced myself that I wouldn't be doing this crazy prodromal on-again-off-again 3 day labor thing--but that does seem to be what's happening again here, whether I like it or not.

So, more waiting, I think. This morning I was all optimistic, thinking that by this time tonight (it's approximately 7pm now) I'd be rollling along into active labor, but I'm once again learning to just take what I'm given and deal with it. (Ok, Universe, I get it, I get it already!) This time, at least, I know that things CAN go slowly (and most likely will), so I'm not going to get all hyped up with expectations of imminence and rob myself of sleep (or at least rest) so that when things do shift into high gear I'm exhausted, like I was last time. I'm fortunate (that's what I'm telling myself anyway) that these contractions aren't so strong and painful yet that I can't sleep through them, so my plan now is to eat a good dinner tonight and try to get some sleep, and then see what tomorrow brings. Who knows, maybe I'll do this same on-again off-again thing for a whole 'nother day or two (like last time), or maybe I'll be woken up in the middle of the night with super duper "oh my God the baby's here" contractions (a girl can dream...). Either way...whatever happens, happens. Must. Be. Zen.

(But GODDAMMIT this waiting stuff SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!)

No baby yet. Sigh. We went to the hospital today for a "non-stress test" (I swear, this term sounds so funny to me...they're testing for non-stress? Why not just come right out with it and call it a "stress test"?). Basically that involved lying around in the triage room for a couple hours with a tight stretchy tube top holding two different monitors on my belly. It should have "only" taken a half hour or so but the triage nurse wanted the baby to move around some more so she could get "perfect" readings--so she gave me juice (mmm the delightful taste of institutional juice) and then some fruit to eat, to perk the baby up (they move around more after you eat, apparently). Lying there listening to the galloping noise of the heartbeat monitor, Josh and I joked about how "Institutional Juice" would make a great name for a band, and how the scratchy-scratch sound of the baby moving, which interrupted the galloping, could be some sort of artsy free-form rapping from MC Isaac (MCI), from his newest album, "Non-Stress Test". The nurse also did an ultrasound to check to see if the amniotic fluid was still in good supply ("Great fluid!" she said, and immediately we thought: "that would be the first track off the album.") Anyway, eventually we got the "perfect" seal of approval and got to go on our merry way (which for us was actually a super delicious fancy schmancy lunch with my parents at the Lark Creek Inn, yum). If nothing happens over the weekend, we're supposed to go back on Monday and do the whole thing over again.

Ok, I've been trying to be all zen, I know I've said that, but I really am getting sick of this waiting around (and yes, I know it hasn't even been a week yet, but still...time is different now, I tell you, and this last 4 days has felt like 4 weeks). So tomorrow, we have a radical new plan, courtesy of our doula Zoe: castor oil. That's right, castor oil.

Ewwww, gross, I know. But it's supposed to work to get labor started. And at this point, it sounds like a great, relatively natural (albeit, ah, "extra-cleansing") way to speed things up. So tomorrow morning, after a good night's sleep and a good breakfast, I'm supposed to drink a couple of Tbs of castor oil mixed with orange juice every two hours for 3 times in a row, and then, after spending much of the day on the toilet, I'll be "rewarded" with some nice strong contractions.

Wait a minute--did someone just whack me across the back of the head hard enough to make me lose my mind, temporarily? Nope, I'm going into this voluntarily. Sheesh. As if labor wasn't bad enough.

Well, stay tuned, as I keep saying. It's all got to end soon one way or another.

No baby yet. Went to the doctor today, and pretty much nothing had changed from last week's appointment--still mostly closed up but "looking promising". I was sort of hoping that the doctor's poking around down there might have jump started some contraction action, but so far, nothing seems to be happening. (Of course, knowing my own personal "Never A Dull Moment" life-is-a-drama philosophy, if labor *is* gonna happen any time soon it'll be in the middle of the night, right when it's least convenient/bearable for me. So stay tuned.)

After doctor, had lunch with Mom and Josh, and then a nice long nap. Then some kid wrangle, and now the evening seems to have whooshed by because I got all caught up in meta-blogging: reading blogs about blogging (just to link to a tiny few of the ones I randomly ran across tonight). Ok, so I've been blogging for nearly a year now (well, more, if you count my Augured blog, which I've mostly only used as a lazy-girl's website to let other people read my novel in progress; so let's only count Parentheticals, shall we?) but I've only recently begun to truly think or care about what it means to be part of the "blogosphere". I'm finding the sociological aspects of this whole blogosphere phenomenon fascinating (and hopefully I'll have the energy someday to write a more involved essay on that whole subject), but more than that it's making me think a lot (again) about the psychological aspects of blogging, for myself. In other words, why do I blog? Same reasons as I mentioned before, I think: writing practice, need for self-expression, desire for a "permanent record" for myself to refer back to, as well as a writer's/artist's desire for both audience and acknowledgement/validation. I find myself now with a renewed desire to expand even more into the world of blogging: to figure out how to use trackbacks, to update my page design and blogroll, to make an effort to actually comment more on people's sites instead of merely lurking all the time, to link to other interesting things I find more often, and of course, to take the time and energy to write better posts instead of just this daily journal stuff. (Although yes I have an excuse for not being super creative or motivated now, and I'm not afraid to use it. So bite me.)

Speaking of said excuse (she said with a yawn), I'm afraid that's it for tonight, sorry. Time to continue stocking up the sleep pantry, so to speak.

Yet another day of lounging around trying to distract myself from my huge bloated body and the fact that there's still no baby yet. Got up early with the kid (who in typical 4 year old fashion seems to have recovered nicely from whatever the hell was wrong with him yesterday) and got him off to school, noticing on the way there and back how the cherry and magnolia tree flowers are starting to fade but the leaves on all the other trees are finally budding, and the early bulbs are blooming like crazy in everyone's yards. Came home and puttered on the computer for awhile (posted a new novel chapter to Critters for the first time in nearly a year), and did a few chores. Mom came over around noon and we hung out here for awhile and then went out to a lovely leisurely late lunch, then from there out for a nice slow walk (yes, supposedly that's one of those things that helps jumpstart labor) around the wetlands bird preserve out past McInnis golf club. Oh. My. God it was gorgeous out. The sun was bright but mild, the temp was probably low to mid-70s, there was a slight breeze, birds were singing everywhere, weedy wildflowers were blooming along the pathways and everything was fresh and green smelling. Fabulous, this Springtime green season here in Marin. I just love it.

(See, Isaac? It's a great time to be born. Now hurry up and get here.)

Spent a fairly low key evening playing "Let's Go Fishin'" with Eli and Grammy and doing the usual evening wrangle. Talked on the phone a bit, did some blogsurfing, and now I'm yawningly tired so it's off to bed to see if I can continue to store up some energy, just in case Isaac deigns to put in an appearance any time soon. (Course with my luck it'll be sometime in the middle of the night when he finally does...so all the more reason to actually go to bed early.)

Woke up around 6am as usual and spent the day pretty much doing nothing of note with Eli, who was home sick in that "I don't want to do anything but watch TV" kind of way. He didn't have any real symptoms to speak of, but he didn't have any energy either, and didn't want to eat or play much. Grammy came over anyway, around noon, and a lot of our day was spent just kind of hanging out in the living room and chatting while the kid watched TV or napped (broken by the occasional unsuccessful bout of trying to get him to eat something or do anything but watch the tube). It was relaxing but also kind of tiring, in that I didn't have real down time (or a nap) and I was still sort of half on-duty. Right now Josh is making dinner and wrangling the whiny kid's "I don't want to eat dinner, I'm too tired/sick" shenanigans while I take a break. I know it seems dumb that I even need a break, I didn't really *do* anything today, but I'm so tired and greyed out I'm feeling practically numb. I think I'm going to bed right after dinner myself.

The one thing I did do this morning while I had a smidge of energy left was to write a few more sentences and then clean up and post the last missing chunk of scene I wanted to post in order to plug the "hole" in the Augured chapter I hadn't quite finished. Now I've got a complete chunk of manuscript up (15 chapters!) and I feel like I can come back to it later at a good place. Cool.

So did I mention that there's still no baby yet? Trying to just be zen about this. I know he'll come when he's ready. I just really really want to meet him and get this life-changing experience show on the road (not to mention get this whole labor and birth thing over with). Paaaaaaatience, grasshopper.

Wow. What a lazy day this has been. I barely remember this kind of day, from waaaaaaaayyyyyy back before I had a kid (not to mention a job). I think they might call this kind of day "vacation" in some other country which is not Parentland. After dropping Eli off at school, my day consisted of talking on the phone (about 8 billion people called today to check in and see if there were any signs of baby yet, which, I'm sorry to report, there are not), puttering on the computer a bit (I've now successfully updated my iPod mix, woo), taking a 3 hour nap (mmmmm), and shopping online for a Peter Pan costume we've promised the kid as a bribe in order to get him to eat his veggies. Seriously, that was it. Josh was a bit more productive, but even he was low key today. We were too lazy to even make dinner--we ordered out Chinese.

The only potentially black spot on an otherwise perfectly lovely lazy day was that when Eli got home from school he was really low energy, complaining that his tummy hurt and running a bit of a fever. Bad timing for kiddo to get sick, but what can you do? (Besides wash your hands a lot and hope for the best...) It's probably my fault anyway, he probably has whatever I had last week. Never A Dull Moment. But we gave him some Motrin and he perked up a bit (enough to eat some dinner), so hopefully his strong young immune system will kick this ASAP. At least tomorrow he was scheduled to be home here with us and Grammy anyway.

Will tomorrow be baby Isaac's grand entrance? Stay tuned (only the Shadow knows). But for now, faithful readers, good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

No baby yet. Did lots of house errands (grocery shopping, laundry, watering plants, stocking up on pet food) today so now I really feel prepared and like everything that could be gotten ready ahead of time has been. There's pretty much nothing left to do but wait. Supposedly tomorrow is d-day. We shall see.

Other than that I have nothing to say tonight because those damn Asburys are over again and being far more entertaining than any sort of blogging could be (curse them!). If I haven't gone into labor by tomorrow morning, I'll have all the time in the world (and nothing better to do) to do a more interesting, thoughtful blog entry then--or at least after I drop Eli off at school. (Course whether or not I *will* is another whole issue.)

Huh. Somehow I passed entry #200 without noticing (this is entry 202). I guess that's what happens when you keep up the blog-every-day thing. Rawk! \m/ Next month it'll be my blogiversary too (one year of Parentheticals). Time is a funny, funny thing. (And yes that's funny strange not funny haha.) Oh and I got my chiclet back last night (muy rapide!), so this entry is being written as usual. Thank goodness for small timing favors.

Feeling low key today. Got decent sleep and had an active morning (went to the 'Box early for one last writing session, and then to a kid bday party with Eli), and was basically tuckered out for the whole rest of the day. Still overflowing with snot, but now it's runny instead of all impacted inside my skull like a balloon filled with clay...could I have finally kicked the cold just to be cursed with allergies? Oh you cruel, cruel world.

Not much else to say, really I'm pretty brain dead. I should have blogged earlier but I got distracted looking at Dri's Paris photos. Go look, she takes cool pictures. :) I wanna go to Paris someday! (Hell there are lots of places I want to go someday but that'll all have to wait.) Anyway, the only place I think I'm gonna go right now is bed.

(Nope, no baby yet, thanks for asking. I'm starting to get an increased number of phone calls and emails "just checking in". Truthfully I don't mind the check-ins, it makes me feel loved. I just have nothing to report except "nope, no baby yet." I had a doctor appointment today, and she pretty much told me "nothing seems to be imminent, but you never know when that could change." Words to live by.)

I finished my paintings today, yay! Now I truly do feel prepared for Isaac to come (though again, I'd prefer to wait another couple days so the antibiotics can continue their magic bullet work and I have a good chance of being able to actually use that yogic breath I've been practicing). I truly enjoyed doing each painting--each used different techniques or had different "painterly" issues that I had to work out, which was fun--and I'm also glad to have that last big project accomplished. I think I'll really appreciate having these paintings with me at the hospital.

Just in case anyone actually cares (and even if you don't, I want to write this down for posterity), here's a description of the series (yes, I *could* take pictures and then upload them, but that would be a whole 'nother project, and I'm done with project mode right now), which I'm somewhat pompously calling "The Driste Series: For Birth":

There are 4 paintings, each on an 11"x17" canvas (which is smaller than I prefer to work, but I wanted these to be portable). Each canvas is filled with one of my abstract woman forms, and each woman form has a rectangular "window" in the chest region of approximately the same size (about 10 cm wide, not coincidentally).

Painting 1: the background is deep magenta, and the woman form is done in red, pink and gold. The window has a little abstract sketch in crimson of a woman doing "Warrior 2" pose in the middle, with the word "STRENGTH" above and the word "POWER" below her. The background of the window is gold and the whole window has a pink glaze on it which make both the little woman and the words kind of watery.

Painting 2: the background is dark pthalo blue, and the woman form is done in lighter pthalo blue, turquoise and white. The window has a bright yellow background and the word "BREATHE" in the middle in purple, with a purple curved arrow above it and a purple curved arrow below it forming a circle around the whole word. Above the top arrow is the word "IN" in purple, and below the bottom arrow is the word "OUT" in purple. Then the whole window is glazed with a light blue glaze, which gives the whole thing a sort of greenish glow.

Painting 3: the background is lavender, and the woman form is done in deep purple, lavender and white. The window has a bright orange background, and the top 2/3rds of the window is taken up by a dark crimson, red and orange circle (which happens to be exactly 10cm in diameter). The bottom 1/3 has the word "OPEN" in bright yellow letters.

Painting 4: the background is medium pthalo green, and the woman form is done in darker tones of the same green, so the whole form seems to just barely emerge from the background. The window looks like a spring scene, with sky blue on the top 2/3rds and bright grass green on the bottom 1/3, and the word "YES" in dark brown in the middle. The branches of the "Y" in "YES" have pink fluff around them (so the effect is one of an abstract cherry plum tree). The word "YOU" floats in the sky in darker blue, and the word "CAN" floats at the bottom of the window in darker green.

At some point I'll probably give each one of these paintings an official name, but for now, I'm done. Go me!

Tonight is a smorgasblog, since I'm not feeling coherent or motivated enough for a thematically unified entry.

First off, let me say I am now officially on antibiotics for a sinus infection. I gave up on waiting and/or "toughing it out" and called the doctor this morning because the pressure in my head was just not going away, and the snot just kept on a' comin. In a true modern medicine moment, my doctor's office (not the doctor himself, of course, he was busy all day) called me back and said "oh yeah, we've been seeing tons of people with sinus infections lately, it's really going around. What pharmacy would you like us to call in your antibiotic to?" I admit to being a little squirrely about the whole self-diagnosis thing (I mean, I'm glad that they don't have to actually see me, but what if I'm wrong? *I'm* not a doctor...) but I sure am glad to have a magic bullet in this particular case. I am looking forward to being far less snotty tomorrow, and hopefully I'll even be able to breathe during labor. Wouldn't that be nice.

Speaking of labor...everyone I run into now asks me when my due date is, and seems shocked (utterly shocked, I tell you!) when I say my due date is Monday. I can't help but think that they're surprised that a pregnant woman can still be, oh, I don't know, walking and talking like a normal person when she's this close to giving birth. I want to point them to all those horrific (well, horrific to me) examples of women in so-called primitive societies who work out in the fields or whatever until they go into labor, then go squat in a corner somewhere, pop the kid out, gnaw through the umbilical cord, wrap it up in a sling, and then go right back to work. I mean, I'm doing nothing more strenuous than maybe sitting in front of a computer or driving a car, or walking from car to store and back. Why is that such a surprise? Should I be home on bedrest, moaning and groaning, or constantly swooning like a Victorian lady, hand to brow? (Admittedly the idea has its temptations, but that's not my point here.)

Also in the preggo related vein, I went to prenatal yoga today for the first time in a couple weeks, and despite the everpresent snot issues, I had a good experience. I felt invigorated and strong and actually enjoyed the class overall. They also did a very sweet "closing ceremony" for me, since this was most likely the last time I was going to be in the class before the baby comes. Because I'm some sort of weird combination of sassy cynic and mooshy Marinite, I found the ceremony both slightly goofy and honestly touching. I had to think of a "focus word" to share with everyone (I picked the simple yet sufficiently ambiguous word "yes") and then everyone stood in a circle holding hands (and "gathering energy") with me in the middle, and they all repeated my word to me while directing that energy back to me. Then I went around the circle and did "belly kisses" (i.e. bumping bellies) with each woman while she looked into my eyes and said "yes". It made me laugh but it was also pretty cool. Then everyone did some "ommmm"s (since this is, after all, a yoga class) together, again with me in the middle. I felt a little put on the spot and slightly embarrassed during the whole thing, but on the other hand I really did appreciate the support and well wishes.

I didn't get any painting done today, but I did sleep decently last night and took a nice long nap this afternoon before yoga. Amazing what a difference amount of sleep makes in my attitude and energy level. (I know, not a surprise.) I also talked to my coworkers about a few leftover issues, ran a couple quick errands, IMed a lot with my friends, read stuff on the computer, and generally lounged around in a clean quiet house. So it was a pretty good day. Tomorrow: definitely the painting. Especially if I can get off the computer now and go to bed on time so I can actually have energy tomorrow.

Divorced from my usual daily routine of wrangle-work-wrangle-chores/socialize/veg/create, the way I move through time during the day is already beginning its shift into home-mama mode, even just over this last couple of days I've been off work and hanging out at home. I remember this home-mama mode from when Eli was little, the way that time could stretch out soooo sloooooooooowly, when there was no particular order to the day (or at least, priorities were fluid and routine hadn't been established so I would wind up doing whatever caught my attention first) and each endeavor seemed to last forever; or alternately, the way that time could just *poof* away, frittered in bits and pieces on such a myriad of little things that I'd suddenly look up and think "how did it get to be afternoon already?" and feel like I had nothing to show for whatever I had been doing (which half the time I couldn't even really remember anyway). I'm beginning to slough off agendas and projects (or at least the desire/motivation to follow through on them).

Today after getting Eli off to school I spent most of my day puttering and frittering, doing things like dishes and picking up around the house for the cleaners, brushing the dog (she's still blowing her winter coat), chatting on IM, and reading blogs. I actually did convince myself to go out to the garage and do some more painting for a couple hours, which is the one thing I *did* plan/want to accomplish today. I didn't finish, but then I didn't find myself particularly motivated to, so what the hell. I did enjoy it, and I know that's what counts. Assuming I get one more day sans-bebe, I will finish them tomorrow, I think. I'm pretty close: out of the 4 paintings I've planned, 1 is completely finished, 1 is nearly finished, and two are half finished. I'd say there's about 2-3 hours more of painting left (depending on how obsessive I get). We'll see. Motivation is fickle these days (I suspect this has much to do with still not getting good sleep), and I'm sure it will become even more so in days to come.

Ok given that motivation is low now, I think it's time to go to bed early...I'm still hoping to kick this stupid head cold thing (and haven't yet...grr).

Augh! My precious chiclet (yes, that's my iBook) is gone, sent off today to the Applecare doctor to replace a suddenly crapped out CD-ROM drive (It's Always Something...sigh). So now I have a big, achingly empty, iBook-shaped hole in my life, right when I finally was hoping to get to spend some chunks of quality time with my iPhoto and iTunes libraries. Ah well. At least I have the good luck (and good taste) to live with a husband who happens to have two Powerbooks (one for work and one for home), and he's letting me use his work one til my dear chiclet is back. This sexy speedy stainless steel thing is all well and good, of course, and the screen resolution is lightyears better, but I miss my dinged up, stained, keys-half-rubbed-off, familiar workhorse. Funny how attached we become to our tools. I swear I spend at minimum a half hour and often more like a couple hours on that computer every day. And it's where I do my fun stuff (email, writing, photos, web browsing), not my work, so I'm especially fond of it. I hope I get it back soooooooooon! <*sob*>

(And yes, my Drivesavers friends, I *have* backed everything up before I sent off the chiclet to be fixed. What do you take me for, anyway? :P)

Other than that, not much going on today except for a triumphant yearly doctor checkup for Eli this morning (yes, he's healthy, not to mention still a genius and completely perfect in every way, thanks for asking). Still feeling sick (DAMMIT!) and having wicked insomnia last night (couldn't sleep past 3am) made me pretty much low key and blah today, so I didn't do much besides nap and hang out with Josh and Grammy and Eli (normally Eli would have gone to Grammy's house today but we all hung out here instead). I'm going to bed right after posting this though, and hopefully will get enough sleep tonight that tomorrow I'll be more energetic (and whooooo knows what that energy will be expended on...I'm hoping painting, if not labor).

Oh yeah and one more thing: look at all those purple numbers for January and February! (Actually now that it's March you can't see them any more, I guess...but mentally, just imagine.) 2 months of daily blogging (note I say nothing about the quality of said daily entries, but still). Rawk! \m/