Just Below the Surface

I'm sitting here writing this on the aptly named love seat in the living room, stealing fond and loving glances over the top of my screen at Josh, who is asleep on the couch ("just resting my eyes"), with his (closed) powerbook sitting on his chest, his arms affectionately/protectively/comfortably crossed over it. If I wasn't feeling so damn lazy myself I'd get up and take a picture of him, it's that cute. Ah well.

Josh and I went to a prenatal partner yoga/labor preparation class today at my yoga studio, and it was a really great experience. I know I've mumbled about this before in this blog, but I think both of us have really been feeling at best, distracted and at worst, in denial about the fact that, hello, we're about to have a baby. This is such a stark contrast to when I was pregnant with Eli, when both the pregnancy and birth were huge, shared projects that we were both obsessed with and which seemed to take over our entire mental/emotional lives. This time, we seem to have barely acknowledged the upcoming upheaval, especially the birth process itself (except perhaps in short "oh-my-God-I'm-tripping-out" bursts before turning away to focus on something else in our busy and exciting space shuttle launching lives).

Anyway, this class was excellent because it gave us both, together, a space in which to really think specifically about labor and birth, and to reconnect with each other around the whole topic. We not only learned (and in some cases relearned) some very helpful tips and techniques to be used during labor, but we each also got to talk through some of our personal fears, anxieties and desires around the birth. Most importantly, we jumped right into that space of deep connection with each other that is often so hard to access (let alone remember) amidst the hurly burly overscheduled overwhelming life we lead these days. Which makes me realize yet again (and want to tattoo on my forehead, or at least post on my bathroom mirror so I don't keep forgetting) that love is always there, just below the surface, ready and waiting to be reclaimed. The challenge is to remember that the surface beneath which all that love burbles and burgeons like an inexhaustible font is no thicker or harder to penetrate than the skin of a soap bubble, needing only the barest of fingertip touches to release it, everywhere.

Well, ok, that was purpler than I intended, but I'll stand by it. My point is, I think I've turned an important corner and I'm ready to birth that baby now. (Not that I'm in any particular hurry, mind you, there's still a lot I'd like to do and prepare--and I say that just in case the Goddess of Childbirth is reading this blog over my shoulder. 'Cause you never know.) And I'm feeling confident and good about having my true companion along for the journey. The adventure continues!