Rollercoaster
This morning, I cracked under the pressure of The Worst Tantrum Ever. Yes, I actually yelled at my kid. (Course it didn't do a damn thing as far as stopping or changing the tantrum but it did at least make me feel a tiny bit less likely to implode from the stress myself...is that so wrong?) I tell myself it's just a combination of Eli being 3, and the fact that I was gone in NY all last week, and now this week Josh is gone on a biz trip too. Eli's routine has been rocked and he's acting out, I know this.
But damn, the randomly triggered freak out, complete with screaming and sobbing and flailing about wildly, that lasts for over an hour? Just unbearable. I had to literally hold him down and physically force him into his clothes, then pick him up and carry him to the car so I could get him to daycare so I could get to work on time. The whole way there he was bawling and yelling "I don't WANT to go to Dawn's house! I! Want! To! Stay! Ho-o-o-ome!" with that heartbreaking little hiccupy cadence. Ugh. I truly abhor the whole "I'm bigger than you are so I can physically force you to do something you don't want" dynamic. It makes me feel totally abusive. But what is a working parent to do? I swear, I felt like I had post-traumatic stress syndrom all morning. I guess I am now a combat-hardened veteran of the Parenting Wars. (And yet, I feel compelled to point out that I will never get any sort of decorative medal for my efforts, let alone a parade.)
But on the positive side, tonight I am giddy with the success of having taught myself how to finally put up quick 'n dirty photo webpages, so I can now finally put all those zillions of digital family photos out into the world. Hooray! (Stay tuned and I will post the link once I've gotten everything up at least in rough draft form.) Super huge thank you smooches go to Dri for showing me the light (and Transmit, Textedit and iPhoto's export-as-webpage feature). Rawk! \m/
Medals or no medals, you're one pretty courageous person. Some of us are way too yella to even consider parenting!
Never forget, Julia--You Are A ROCKSTAR!!
Oh mama! I totally feel your pain. Don't be hard on yourself - there's a reason you're bigger and can physically overpower your son - because sometimes its necessary. Besides, if taking him from a safe and loving home to a safe and loving daycare is the worst "abuse" he suffers in his life, even the most bleeding-heart therapist would show him the door.
I'm not a yeller - more of a snapper, and my little Clarence Darrow usually tells me, "You may not talk that way to me!" (Wanna bet?)
Just this morning I snapped at him when he was being his typical pokey self about getting in the car and he heaved a big sigh and said, "Mom, I'm really getting tired of this"
(You and me both!)